LaTasha is an MBA graduate from Cornell University who is both brilliant (goes without saying given the MBA from Cornell), a very attractive African-American and avid college football fan.  She has a shyness about her that seems to double as a charismatic pull.  I had the pleasure of having her on my team for a year during which I came to know her quite well, both personally and professionally.  I was always impressed with how she analyzed problems, strategized solutions and executed in challenging situations.    

She shared with me an unfortunate experience she has a consulting firm she had previously worked for prior to attending Cornell for her MBA.  Being a new employee at the consulting firm, she, like all new employees, were sent to a day long on-boarding session that was facilitated by a male employee from Human Resources.  First order of business in the on-boarding session was introductions.  The facilitator said they would go around the room and he wanted each participant to give a bit of their professional background (position at the consulting firm, previous work experience, education highlights) and to also share who was their favorite sports team.  At this point, it’s appropriate to note that LaTasha was only one of the two females in this session out of a total of 17 new hires.  The introductions moved around the room and it became LaTasha’s turn.  She would be the first female to introduce herself.  Before she began that facilitator said, “So, Latasha, tell us about your background and instead of your favorite sports team, you can share with us your favorite shopping mall.” 

LaTasha was stunned!  She loved sports and the Crimson Tide of Alabama were her favorite.  Even more important, she didn’t care for shopping all that much!  But she followed the instructions and blurted out a mall from back home.  When she shared with me how she responded, I asked her why she didn’t correct this short-sighted instructor.  She told me she was embarrassed and just wanted this situation to end as soon as possible.  She felt she was singled-out due to her gender.   Basically, it felt like: “Wait, you can’t answer that question as that’s just for the guys.  Here’s a girl question you can answer.”  Later, she felt disappointed in herself for not speaking up.  I thought of times in the past when I did the same thing.  Instead of pointing out the insults of a particular situation, I had also just wanted it to end as quickly as possible and eliminate any further focus on me.  I didn’t want to highlight any more I was a female in a situation dominated by men.

What causes us to feel that insecure and chose silence?  Are we taught that from the beginning by parents, educators and our culture in general?   Have you had a similar experience you can share?