Expectations are part of our everyday life. Each day we rise facing expectations we have of ourselves and those from others such as co-workers, bosses, significant others, children and even our pets. Expectations can be a tricky thing.
This past Sunday was Mother’s Day, a very special day to honor those women who have provided us with care, guidance and nurturing throughout our lives. I had a great day wishing the wonderful mothers I know a happy day as well as receiving wishes from my children and friends. I also reflected on the early influences my mother had on me as a young girl and the expectations that were set, or not set.
I was raised by a mother whose expectations went sort of like this: 1.) You should never marry a man to take care of you; be damn prepared to take care of yourself; and 2.) You will never except hand-outs; if you want or need something, you earn it. Her expectations never involved education (something I had to pay for myself) or a career. Her expectations were about being self-sufficient and not surprising from someone who was raised in an orphanage for most of her childhood.
Since I was 17 years-old, I have maintained a full-time job with no lapses in employment. That includes working full-time with small children, while putting myself through college to obtain my bachelor’s degree. The only extended time I took off was for maternity leave with amounted to about 6 weeks each time. I was the main financial support for the family so I had to return as quickly as possible for the financial sake of the family.
I set my own expectations on top of that to be as successful as I possibly could, both academically and professionally. I also expected that I would be a loving and nurturing mother, who financially provided for the welfare of my children.
This week is a considerable milestone for me. Now 34 years since starting full-time employment, I am about to embark on a different path, a path in which I “officially” don’t work. Not retirement, but a break. While exciting, this is a HUGE transition in terms of daily life and expectations! I’m still not completely convinced I’ve earned this break! I’ve programmed myself to evaluate myself professionally in terms of the work I’ve produced and the contributions I’ve made to the organizations I’ve worked for over the years. I’ve programmed myself to evaluate myself personally in terms of how self-sufficient I am and by how well I can financially assist my family. What if I fail to be self-sustaining?!
So I find myself needing to reset and rethink the expectations I have of myself. I also feel I’m disappointing friends and family with this decision. Most often when I’ve told people I quit my job, the looks have gone directly to my significant other. I felt they were looking to see if he was in approval of my decision……………..and OK with supporting me. Yikes! I’m certain those weren’t their thoughts, but my own concern that I was not meeting my own expectations. I found myself fearing that I was a woman who was going to marry a man to take care of her. I’m not judging that approach, but I definitely wouldn’t be getting the approval of my mother.
It’s very interesting how expectations of you set by our parents, especially our mothers (for us women) can impact your entire life. While I’m waiting here to plot my next path, I’m going to spend some time reevaluating and redefining my own expectations for myself.
youwaithere.com 
You have certainly earned and worked for the next step in your life and it truly is up to you and only you to make that choice to move onto the next chapter to discover the next Path.
I would say its very natural for eyes to move to Your significant other , I am not certain why . Perhaps to check out the vibes he’s sending ;-). I must say Bravo and Best of Luck on your Journey. I think we all need to take stock of our lives at a certain point and stage and make changes to embrace all the things we have worked for and to truly embrace the person we have become and grown through it all as well. Taking time to reflect is really important. Best of Luck !!
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I cannot imagine anyone who deserves this more. You will find that you gain back time lost to long hours at work and you will have the opportunity to reflect in a more objective way about the things you accomplished and what experiences you never want to repeat. It was difficult for me when we moved for my husband’s job to a new city because while I was not working, I contributed to the household in different ways but felt like I wasn’t really pulling my weight. I also felt like I had skills that I wanted to use in a positive and impactful way but where I could be happy in doing so. I ended up volunteering at a non-profit as an intermediary way to spend my time while looking for a full-time job. That ended up being one of the best decisions and ways to learn about the new city and my fellow residents. When I did get a job, I was ready to unleash my potential at a new place of employment and be mindful of work/ life balance in a way I never have before. I must credit my husband through all of this as well because he was supportive and believed in my choices. Enjoy your freedom and live a little!!
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Interesting to read about expectations. Just had a conversation with a young woman embarking on a future with her significant other. I told her don’t have high expectations as there will be lots of let downs. She was just telling me how disappointed she was with an incident, I told her it will not get better and to accept that it is best to not put too much weight on expectations as it can deeply affect a relationship. Accept them as they are and deal with each situation as they come. Took me awhile to figure this one out! For you, I say yippee yahoo!! Do not look at others, you have earned this decision to take a break. Take it, enjoy it, live fearlessly. I know I went against my mothers expectations and i am so glad i had the strength to do it. I did it because I knew who i wanted to be and not fall into line of what others expected of me. Your mothers self-sufficient way of thinking may have seemed harsh at the time, but it has made you the strong, independent, kick ass woman you are. I have told my own girls they can do whatever they want and don’t depend on a man to make them happy as they have to learn to stand on their own two feet. Be their own person, again that can create some issues in relationships, but with unconditional love, it can all be worked out. If there is disappointment from family or friends, it may just be jealousy or concern for you. Enjoy this break, figure it out as you enjoy your adventures. Looking forward to following your adventure thru your words. Good luck and just breathe!!
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